Remember the value clarifying exercise I mentioned in another blog? If not, it was an activity that I did with my family therapist that had me list where I spent money, time & energy in one column and then what I truly valued in another.
Ideally, the two columns correlate, but in my case it wasn't even close. I spent money -- a LOT of money -- on things I didn't value at all. It took a recession and a major change in the way we earned and spent money to make me take a long hard look at what I'd been doing.
Tonight, I'm thinking about values, goals and choices for how and where I spend my money, time and energy. As you may know, I've recently joined Team Beach Body/Shakeology, a multi-level marketing company. I also have a long-time affiliation with Mary Kay, which is similar in structure. Specifically, I'm reflecting on my own odd sensations in the last week regarding my experience with, perception of, and future in multi-level marketing.
These types of companies can have such a bad rap, but the truth is that in many ways they make sense. Further, I happen to know a few people who have been very successful in this type of business (not my companies) including three former high school classmates -- two of which are actually millionaires. These are people I actually know and they are normal. Not predatory in the least.
MLMs come in various models, but the basic idea is becoming your own boss and setting your own financial destiny. Time & energy invested results in income and financial freedom. Sounds innocent enough. So why do I feel a little person inside cringe a little at the idea of putting the whole business "out there?"
It makes no sense; I have friends who sell everything from candles to handbags to special water to jewelry. Why on earth is it that these ideas are a bad idea? And if they are why are they so popular? Of course, there are situations where the companies actually make their money off of people with ridiculous start up costs and pipe dreams. That's part of it. A big part.
I think the other part is the fear of trying and failing. So many of us are terrified to try and fail that we just sit back and ridicule the living daylights out of any one crab that crawls for the top of the barrel. Others just want to see someone else try just to make sure the waters are safe.
My husband and I had been discussing the difference between having a goal to avoid failure versus having a goal to seek success tonight at our Wednesday date. My older son has been dealing with the fear of failure issue and it has been a common topic of discussion in our home. How do you teach someone to go for it? How do you convince them that failures are opportunities waiting to happen?
I don't know, to be honest. It's right up there with how you teach someone to be motivated, how to teach ambition, and how to convince my bulldog to stop waking me in the middle of the night to go outside (I'm here all day for crying out loud).
Of course, who am I to give advice? I look at myself -- touting the joys of an amazing product for months without earning a dime in affiliation with the company. Now that I'm officially on board, I feel awkward about saying a word. What's up with that?
I'll tell you what's up with it: it's a fear of failure. It's a fear of rejection or perhaps, of change in general.
It is 1979 and I am afraid that all the kids will make fun of me if they find out I've been living in another country. It is 1986 and I am terrified that my crush will find out I'm in advanced classes. It is 1992 and I am sneaking out of my dorm to perform poetry in middle English because my roommates will look at me like I have two heads. I am tempted by the lure of blending because don't want to be seen as different, as motivated, as trying. The raised nail gets the hammer & all that.
Of course, this is precisely the mentality that led me to a 50+ lb weight gain in the first place. It was so easy to sit and go through drive-thru's and wish. So ridiculously hard and different to run and cook healthy meals and actually do. No one else was, at least I'd managed to steer my way clear of anyone who was (convenient, yes?) And before you know it- bam! Hello 206.
I dont' want that: the excuses, the fear, the denial, the beige. I want something more even if I am terrified of reaching for it; even if I am terrified of attaining it.
I know who I am and that is not some sales psycho. I know what I want and how I want to help others, and for me that will mean walking a clean line. No obnoxious nonsense. No marketing assaults when friends are least expecting it. No over-the-top in your face machine gun posts on Facebook. Just consistently being me.
It's just so funny to me that here, less than a month from my 37th birthday. I still have to talk myself into having the courage to follow my heart and live by my own truth. Perhaps I'll go easy on my son, when I see him avoiding potential failure, possible rejection like the Plague. Afterall, this standing firm business isn't nearly as easy at it looks.
Until next,
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